Every relationship undergoes its phase of interpersonal conflicts which either strengthens the bond of the relationship or weakens it completely. I saw a similar conflict between two best friends in my college, back in India.
I had two classmates named Varsha and Rita in my batch. Both of them were very intelligent, smart and close competitors in studies. Despite being close competitors, they were best friends. The only difference between them was in their nature; Varsha was a friendly person with high emotional intelligence who could easily associate and mingle with people around her; on the other hand, Rita lacked the social skills and kept to herself.
Soon after the JC started, the college was buzzing with the news of student president elections. The fact that the president was to be chosen from our batch had aroused much enthusiasm from my colleagues and all had been excited about the upcoming event. Rita and Varsha were amongst the people who got nominated by the teachers for the post. They were both quite excited on being nominated and desperately wanted one amongst them to win.
A few days later, the campaigning for the elections started. Both the girls worked very hard and tried their best to gain support from the crowd of students.But,seeing Varsha attract more people due to her social skills, pangs of jealousy started rising within Rita and she started behaving rudely with her friend. Varsha, on the other hand just ignored Rita’s weird behavior thinking that campaigning might be stressing her friend out.
On the day of results, it was announced that both Rita and Varsha had had a very narrow gap between the numbers of votes but Varsha had emerged out as a winner finally. Rita felt miserable at her loss and left the stage without congratulating her friend.
Meanwhile, Varsha decided to throw a party for her success. She went to invite her best friend first for the celebrations but Rita mistook Varsha’s gestures for invitation to the party as a mockery on her failure and she rudely snubbed Varsha away saying that she didn’t want to attend any useless party. Varsha felt very bad after listening to such harsh comments and left without a word.
A rift was created between the two friends.
The main problem seen in the above situation is the lack of emotional intelligence in Rita and the misunderstanding/miscommunication between the two friends. The lack of emotional intelligence in Rita makes her showcase her jealousy, anger, sadness(lack of “Self Management” and “Social Awareness”) in front of everyone which makes her all the more unpopular. Also, she mistakes Varsha’s friendly invitation to celebrate success with her as a taunt on her loss which causes a misunderstanding to crop up between the two friends and they walk away from each other.
According to me, to solve this, the best way could be that both of them meet up, talk to each other and try to understand the emotions and feelings of each other. Varsha, being the one with high EQ should approach first and try to understand Rita’s reasons for being rude and explain to her the real purpose of the party invitation, and Rita, on the other hand, should try and figure out her own fault and listen to Varsha’s arguments.
What do you think will be the best way to solve this dispute?
Hi Kripa,
ReplyDeleteI like your choice of interpersonal conflict. I think a lot of people compete with, or at least compare themselves to their best friends. And I think it can be a good thing, although it is really important to balance it in the right way to maintain friendship to people you also compete with. I think this is illustrated really well in your story. Nice job.
Even though it takes two to create a conflict, I think in this situation Rita has most of the responsibility for the outcome of the situation. Therefore, I think the conflict can be resolved if she realizes this and make a sincere apology to her friend. She will never be able to justify that she’s angry at her friend for winning the election.
I look forward to reading your next post.
Best regards,
Annika
Hi Kripa,
ReplyDeleteI agreed with Annika, I like your choice of story. Two good friends drift apart due to a competition is very relevant to our daily life in a competitive country such as Singapore. You also elaborate all the background information completely which really helps us in picturing the situation both individuals were in.
In this situation, I would say that it is better to have a 3rd party (with a high EQ of course) to console Rita before Rita can meet privately with Varsha. Why there must be a 3rd party? Because I think with the state Rita was in, it is very hard for Rita to listen to Varsha with clear mind. The emergence of communication barrier in the form of emotion is inevitable. Thus, by having 3rd party to talk to Rita, hopefully those communication barrier can be overcome and the two of them can become best friend again.
-Adi
@Annika
ReplyDeleteThanks Annika for your comments.I agree with you,in this particular case,Rita is more at fault than Varsha.But,according to me,Varsha should have also tried to understand the sentiments of her friend since she was the one with a higher EQ.
@Adi
Thanks for your comments.
I really like your suggestion of involving a third party to come and solve the dispute amongst the two girls.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Kripa!:)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this story on competitiveness that is such a common place in our society. This occurs in schools, work places and even at home,etc. Varsha should not have left the conversation without a word. Simply avoiding the conflict can be damaging. Even if Varsha and Rita do communicate again- without solving the problem- this can lead to greater problems in the future.
It is best if both girls can come together and analyze the situation and the root of the problem. However, the climate for the talk has to be a supportive rather than defensive climate, so that both girls can open up their hearts and communicate; rather than withdrawing and engaging in the blame attitude.
However, to create the supportive climate, the person who initiates the "talk", which in this case, Varsha (As Rita might be still sore and since Varsha won, she should have a bigger heart to talk things out by pursuing self-direction), should prepare herself through self-management. She can do so by listing down the concerns to be discussed, how she intends to encode her message with the least noise possible, the channel for the message to be sent (in this case: face-to-face works best!). More importantly is to convey her message with the correct verbal and non-verbal cues, so Rita can interpret her message with the least distortion and understands Varsha's good will.
As Rita is still sore over her lost to her good friend, Varsha has approach the discussion with self-awareness, to be careful of what she says and how she says it. I am sure with an open and honest communication alongside an understanding of each other's feelings, the dispute will be resolved. And both Rita and Varsha will emerge from this test of friendship stronger. =)
Cheers!
Genevieve
Hi Genevieve,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments.Your in-depth solution to the problem is very interesting.
I agree with you, Varsha should approach Rita first because she has high EQ which would enable her to make up with Rita soon.
Cheers,
Kripa