I just came up with two stories while thinking about what to write in my blog post and i thought why not share both of them with you all.This is my unofficial blog but it's pretty interesting to read.So here's my blog,just for fun.
I faced a similar interpersonal conflict recently with my friend from junior college, back in India named Rahul.
Rahul was the cool guy of the college, good at playing football, captain of football team, lead guitarist in a band. Despite being the famous guy in college he was a down to earth fellow, and both of us got along very well as friends. I, on the other hand was a girl focused on my studies and least bothered about guys and relationships. Since Rahul and I were great friends, my colleagues were always under the impression that there was something going on between us. Both of us never paid attention to these rumors because we valued our friendship more than anything else.
After a few months in JC, some of Rahul’s friends apparently made him believe that I liked him a lot and since he never approached me in that way, I was hiding my feelings from him.
Rahul believed his friends and once when we were chatting on Gtalk, he started flirting around with me.
He said all the nicest things possible, about me being pretty, sensible, simple and that he liked me a lot.
First I was a little surprised on reading his messages but then I apparently thought he was just fooling around and joking as always and I decided to play along with him. So, I replied with all the romantic answers possible to his messages. We both didn’t realize that anything was wrong.
While chatting he had asked me out on a date to some posh restaurant and I had replied “Sure, why not! That would be great”. I really didn’t think it over before replying. I thought he was just flirting.
So, on the day when we had decided to go on a date he actually came over to my house all dressed up and I got the shock of my life seeing him. I just started laughing without even bothering to ask him whether he was serious. He got too embarrassed and sad and left without a word. After he left, it struck me that he might have been hurt.Now, the situation was reversed, and I thought Rahul liked me and I had hurt him by laughing on his face and he thought that I along with his friends had played this dirty joke on him.
Over the next few weeks, both of us avoided each other and never even talked about what had been the actual problem.
Sometime later, in one project we were put together as a group and had to work together. It was during that time that we started talking to each other a little and then finally I gained my strength to apologize to him about the incident that had occurred and I told him that I didn’t know that he liked me. Rahul was quite surprised on hearing this and said that he had come on the date because he thought I liked him and that’s why I had agreed on dating him online and then after reaching there he had finally realized that he was made a fool.
That was the moment of clarification and after that we both realized what had actually happened. We had a hearty laugh about that incident and we returned back being good friends again.
I just wonder if actually we wouldn’t have been put in group together what would have happened. Any suggestions on what were our mistakes and what should we have done earlier to resolve it?
Kripa,
ReplyDeleteI've read both of your posts on resolving interpersonal conflicts. I'll just comment on this.
Human's biggest mistake: Making too many assumptions and acting upon them.
Like in this case, there were just too many assumptions made by both parties. Given close friends, you'll know how the other party would talk and behave. I'm sure you would have noted something different when Rahul started complimenting you and doing things he usually won't do. If things were clarified right at that point, perhaps it wouldn't turn out that badly.
But I'm happy for you as your case is the first case I've come across that ends wells! I feel a lot of people are not very initiative when it comes to resolving conflicts. So it'll end up like a waiting game for that first person to make a move.
Hey Kripa!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have seen such incidents happening usually to most of my friends.I am glad that in your case it turned out to be a happy ending story.
I think in first place you should have apologized to Rahul the moment you had understood the gravity of the situation.This would have sorted out the entire issue of misunderstanding immediately.If you were feeling very abashed to talk to him in person you could have talked to him over phone.
Otherwise just imagine ,if you had not been in put into the same group you would have lost a very good friend.
Hi Kripa,
ReplyDeleteI have had such a personal experience myself. It went about the same way, both of us being friends, followed by false rumors which resulted in both of us suspecting each other, and finally ignoring each other. It took us 6 years to finally start talking. At the end of 6 years we realized that we had missed out on each other's company, only to false rumors. It was very disappointing that we hadn't cleared the conflict earlier. Nonetheless, like you, I'm glad it's at least cleared now. Better late than never right?
As zhing pointed out, it's human nature to assume. Assumption can sometimes be the root cause of conflicts, as in your case. Approaching him earlier/confronting him at the initial stages could have reduced the conflict a whole lot.